The Night Weasels Cometh

I did not race my bike this weekend.  It was a combination of post-24HOGGum depression and lack of appealing options.  This lead to some incredibly productive downtime, some of which even happened without the aid of caffeine.  Check it out.

I made the team site.  Did I mention that I started a team?  I think so.  So far they are a beautiful army of misfit cyclist who heed my beck and call.  This past weekend they kicked off the season and did hilariously poorly.  I already love them.  Except for Kevin.

The kits came in this week and they look fabulous.  One thing I forgot to mention last time I was gushing about them, these aren't the team kits so much as the website kits.  The team will be racing in skinsuits with a different but equally sexy color scheme.  If you were avoiding purchase of one of these because you didn't want to own the kit of team you don't race for... fear not.  This will just let people know that you like THE INTERNET, and especially RESULTS.  Which is a good thing to put out there when meeting new people.

Here are some true quotes from the first few folks to sport the kit publicly:

"Why yes, I did design this kit, ladies."
"I'm still wearing the kit I designed yaaaaaaaay"
"I probably shouldn't tell Embro James that my HR is 170 just wearing this kit."

If you want to join them in heart-rate-elevating sexiness, email me!  Quantities are surprisingly limited. 

Aside from all the teamsturbation I've been doing, Linnea, Chip and I have been cooking up a pretty exciting night race.  I've been trying to find a venue for a night race near Boston for over a year now, but after getting rudely squelched by Nashoba last year I'd kind of given up hope... until Chip-o-lini got involved this summer and started doing the dirty work of cold calling people on the phone and charming them into letting us use their property.

Chip hit the jackpot with Ski Ward in Shrewsbury.  They're close enough to Boston and Providence, (35/50 miles), they've got a huge amount of cross-rideable terrain under lights, and they're nearly as stoked on doing a cross race as we are.  It's pretty awesome to walk around a venue and have every single what-if question answered with a positive from the owner himself.

So it's totally on.  October 6th, the Wednesday between Gloucester and Providence.  I should stop writing this blog post right now and start filing USAC forms, but let's do a quick information dump before we go:

Race Schedule:
5:30 PM - Cat 4 Men (Merch, large bag of sand)
6:30 PM - Cat 3 Men (Merch, small bag of sand)
7:30 PM - Elite Women 1/2/3 ($1999/15)
7:30 PM - Cat 4 Women (Merch, possibility finishing on the lead lap, ziploc bag of sand)
8:30 PM - Elite Men 1/2/3 ($1999/15 + $175 bonus money for the top 40+ dudes)

Three dismounts per lap
Quite a bit of climbing, but we've got JD doing course consulting so it will be cool
Quite a bit of descending, and I'm a mountain biker so it will be cool
Richard Fries being Richard Fries staging
As many Pro riders as I can possibly bribe into attending

In short, it's basically going to be a Verge race.  But at night.  Should you be there?  HOLYSHITYES.

If this sounds so awesome that you and your business would like to be a title me, and I'll even throw in a kit on the side.  That's right, your employer/business could potentially be buying you one of those baller kits I started the post with.  Come on man, you read all the way to the end, you deserve it!

Course map by Linnea -- 100% accurate


You're awesome. I'm impressed. I can't sponsor the race, but I wish I could buy stock in Colin Reuter Enterprises. It would pay off BIG.
gewilli said…
that's nearly 50 miles from downtown PVD btw...
matt said…
Q: What's the biggest user demographic?
A: The same group that you didn't slot in a race time for at Ski Ward.

bad colin
Ryan said…
Mr. Matt, just do the 3 or 4 race! You'll be fine. I believe in you.

Also Colin, do you see that? Blocking out the sun? That is my MASSIVE BONER for this bicycling event.
gewilli said…
bag of sand is a nice touch...

maybe matt can try and win the bag of sand in the 3 race
G-ride said…
the revamped website looks great. and linnea can draw a pretty good unicorn in MS paint. Does she have a job or collegiate level skill set?
Colin R said…
So Matt, the biggest user group is people with Cat 0 licenses? Because that's the only race category we don't have...
kevin said…

now roadies will understand what i'm talking about when i bitch about how much ski area races suck.
Todd Rowell said…
Is the dragon considered a natural obstacle, or man-made (since it's mythical)? Or do I just think there's a dragon there after all the climbing?
SHopengarten said…
How deep do sand bags go? Just podium placings?
starrwalker said…
whhhhaaaat. how / when / where can i reg for this radtasticness?
Colin R said…
Starr: it will be on bikereg as soon as I get the green light from USAC.

Steven: Yes, you'll have to actually podium for me to consider you a sandbagger.

Todd: The dragon will be IN YOUR LEGS at the top of the climb.
Cary said…
JD said…
People are already complaining that the race is too far and that you don't have subcategories of your subcategories? This race is going to be an instant New England Classic.
Christine said…
Is Trogdor racing?? God, I hope so.
RMM said…
What about the old men? WHAT ABOUT THE OLD MEN!?

Those dudes seriously resent being forced to race with and against younger riders.

Btw, I have not officially upgraded yet. THE BAG OF SAND SHALL BE MINE!
Colin R said…
If there's anyone who has the experience to slay a sketchy-ass night course, it's RMM.
Batteries in his Ears said…
Awesome event idea. I'm sure this course can work. It reminds me a bit of the Nashoba Valley XC race in the late 90's. Tom Stevens' old cross course at that ski area in Maine was similar to this and it ran well.

How is the lighting at night?
RMM said…
Indeed. On fact, the last time you and I "raced" against each other it was on a "sketchy ass night course."


You crashed trying to chase me down.

I won.

It is on my race resume.
Fred said…
This sounds awesome! Nice work!

Popular posts from this blog

A letter to everyone's parents about Coronavirus

Sam Anderson Cheats at Mountain Bike Racing

Do-It-Yourself March Cycling Blog Post