There was a time in my life in which I hated this race, because it had DOUBLETRACK and ZERO ROCKS, and gosh darnit, I'm a mountain biker, and those things are neither FUN nor HARD.
Then I started racing UCI cyclocross, and now I'm like, two hours of sprinting out of corners and up punchy climbs, without a single spot to recover? SIGN ME UP! THIS IS THE BEST MOUNTAIN BIKE RACE EVER!
It's also the only mountain bike race that's so fast, you have to make actual decisions like "should I bridge to that group to try to get some draft, or ride my own pace in the wind?" I averaged just about 13 mph for 2 hours... which is probably the only time all year I ride a mountain bike race faster for 26 miles than a world class marathon runner could.
Guys, marathon runners are insanely fast.
Onto the racing.
I was still putting my bottles out in the feed zone when I heard them announced "1 minute to go," because apparently having a watch or a clue is more than I can handle in 2013, my EIGHTH? season of mountain bike racing. This led to a back-row start and TOTALLY SWEET reverse-holeshot start in a race with 30 guys.
|About to take over last place due to my terrible line choice on the first off camber.|
|Holy cow a spot to pass!|
|If you aren't flailing your bike around you can't call it bridging|
|LOOK HOW NARROW THIS MAN IS. DOES IT EVEN COUNT AS DRAFTING?|
It was one of those crashes where you hit the ground just barely soft enough that you can pop back up and keep racing with no effects. 24 hours later, of course, I have all kinds of stupid whiplash-related soreness.
At some point Adam succumbed to the shame of riding with me and dropped out, cutting our group to three.
Soon after, Burns succumbed to what he later described as a "lack of eating," and then it was just Greg and I.
Heading into the last lap, staying on Greg's wheel was getting increasingly difficult, as we'd be doing what felt like a cross race for over 2 hours by this point. Since Greg's claim to fame is ENDURANCE SMASHING, the final lap was going to be very unpleasant for me.
Good thing I have YEARS of experience hanging onto the wheels of stronger riders than me. Using advanced techniques such as "flop your head around to get more watts" and "seriously just close your eyes or something, focusing takes too much energy," I was able to maintain my barnacle status.
In a very non-Myersonian move I even told Greg how "freaking crosseyed" I was. I think I was trying to get him to attack one more time so I could just get dropped and do my own thing, but sadly he was showing some rare signs of mortality and couldn't keep attacking.
So now I have to be that guy that attacks the dude who was pulling for the past hour? I mean, yes, I suppose we could stop, sing kumbaya and smoke a joint, but that's not what Lance Armstrong would do now, is it?
I attacked with five minutes of racing left, and let's pretend that because I was being "sporting" and not just "totally forgetting where on the course I was." Five-minutes of character building later, it was over and Greg and I were 9th/10th. Then I apologized profusely at the finish line, because that's how mountain bikers do it.
Then I tried to hide how stoked I was to get 9th/28 on a non-technical course in April! Is this what "form" feels like?