Obligatory March Training Post, Round 2

So last year I made fun of the interblogs with the Do It Yourself March Training Post. It was a huge success, except that it only alienated a few readers. Let's see if this year's edition can succeed in going even more negative!

Even Earlier, Much Whinier, Spring Training Post Template

Alright, it's early March and I am just SO SICK of winter. I'd like to [do something horrible] to that [unoriginal personification of a season]. I mean, it was [high number] degrees last week, and now it's only [seasonal average] degrees now, what gives? [Global warming|my trip to Tucson] can't get here soon enough! Every time I think [it's spring|winter ended 6 weeks early], it comes back with a [vengeance|completely normal weather pattern], like last week when we got [number less than 3] inches of snow. I just [don't understand|can't take it|love complaining]! I've been riding the [trainer|rollers] at night since [November|December|January] because [I hate my life|I paid for coaching], and let me tell you, I am really sick of [looking at my washing machine|sweating on my rug|frightening my roommates]. But it will all be worth it when I [burn out in May|kick all your asses] on my new [bike that is 1% better than my old bike|wheels that cost more than your car].

Although, I did manage to watch all [number] seasons of [tv series that would suck if I wasn't on a trainer], which you should totally check out.

So anyway, last weekend I did this [epic] mile ride with [link to blogger|link to picture|link to crossresults.com profile] and [someone you don't care enough about to link]. Of course [person you don't like as much] didn't have fenders, so I [ate|chewed|gargled] several pounds of road salt, but it was just great be outside.

Well, except for the [SUV|minivan] driver who was a total [expletive] in [town], I can't believe how impatient and unsafe some people out there are!! As if it's going to kill you to wait [10 seconds|10 minutes] behind [me|me and eight of my oblivious friends riding nine-abreast]. And when he finally quit honking and passed us, he only gave me [1 foot|6 feet] of space, god only know what would have happened if [he didn't know how wide his vehicle was|I randomly swerved across the road]!

Anyway, I didn't want this post to be [so negative|so long|published at all], but [other blog(s)] have been [noticing|complaining about|contributing to] the general lack of early-March content in the blogosphere. It's almost like [no one's racing|you can only write about the trainer so much|most bloggers aren't professional writers for a reason]! So here's your content. See you at [Wells Ave|King of Burlingame|the bar]...